We spend hours and hours dwelling and ruminating on the negative and fearful things in our lives. We worry about what could go wrong, instead of focusing and paying attention to the rational, the positive and the good. We should train ourselves to focus on thoughts that will move us forward in the right direction. Read one of these statements to yourself every day -- and dwell on it. It's about time we started paying attention to what is rational and right.
If you pay attention to the darkness, you will never find the light.
If you study and relive your past experiences, analyzing them, and "getting in touch with your feelings", you will only reinforce those feelings. If you want to get away from a problem, you should not focus on it. Focus on what is rational, the positive, the beautiful, and the nice.
A contented person is fully caught up in the moment --and is not thinking about the past or the future.
Too much thinking and analyzing just makes any problem worse. Today is a wonderful day – live it in the present.
Why do little children think ghosts, goblins, and monsters are real? As adults, we know they aren’t. Your thoughts aren’t "real" either in the sense that you "create" and reinforce them -- and the emotions that go along with them. Your thoughts are only what you decide to believe in and continually reinforce in your mind. (This one is deep – think about this one.)
For example, you are sitting alone in the dark in your home. You are down, depressed and thinking gloomy thoughts. All of a sudden the phone rings and it’s a friend you haven’t talked to in years. You become alert, your mood picks up, and you have a nice conversation. Then, after you’ve hung up, you get blue again and fall back into a depressed mood. Why?
Suggestion: Even though we don’t feel it – we have more power over our thoughts than we think. We can decide to stay "up" after the phone call by doing whatever it takes to keep from slipping back into the quicksand of rumination and despair. Cognitive-behavioral therapy, when done appropriately, gives us the tools and strategies to move away from anxiety and depression – and eventually to stay or "be" that way.
If your thoughts begin to change, you will feel better.
If you act rationally, despite how you are feeling, your beliefs and emotions will follow behind.
There is so much in life I can’t control. But this is my life and I’ve decided to be happy. I can choose to be happy regardless of my other circumstances. It’s not "when I get a promotion, I’ll be happy....." or "when I can speak in front of a small group of people, I’ll be happy....." The focus should be on learning to be happy now. Tap into your inner peace and contentment in the way that works best for you.
Happiness is a result of a decision to be happy.
Your emotions and feelings are created by your thoughts.
Unhappiness cannot exist on its own. It occurs because of thoughts, which can be changed.
Your past thoughts are about events that are no longer real. That bad experience happened yesterday (in the past) and is over. It is gone and exists solely in your mind. Today is a new day, a better day, and worrying about the past just dooms us in the present. It’s how you process it now that makes a difference.
You are a thought-producing machine. When you realize this, you can begin to slow your thoughts down and allow your anxieties and fears to rest.
Your automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) are only thoughts: they are not real. Your ANTS are not real. They do not tell you the truth.
Our tendency is to think TOO MUCH and to paralyze ourselves with our ruminations. We have a choice: Realize what we're doing to ourselves, get up, find a distraction, and do something interesting (positive).
Happy people understand that to enjoy life you "live" it -- you don’t "think" about it.
Watch a roomful of preschool children. They are enjoying life because they are focused on the moment and are not thinking about it. They are immersed and absorbed in living.
Analysis creates paralysis.
Anticipatory anxiety killing you? Stop thinking about it, take that step, and do it.
Thoughts grow with attention. If you focus on negative thoughts, they will grow and grow and become even larger. If you focus on your progress and the new thoughts you are learning, they will grow stronger and take "automatic" control.
Even if you understand and know why you have a problem, this will not help you in solving it. Going over and over the reasons for your problem is like pouring salt in an open wound.
The only factor making you unhappy is your own thoughts. Relax, release them, let them go.
When you notice self-limiting and self-defeating thoughts playing over and over in your mind, say "STOP! I will not give you any more power over me! I have better things to do!!"
“I spent my 20s recklessly, but your 30s should be when you make a big financial push. Retirement planning is not something to put off. Understanding boring things like insurance, 401ks & mortgages is important since its all on your shoulders now. Educate yourself.” (Kash, 41)
The most common piece of advice — so common that almost every single email said at least something about it — was to start getting your financial house in order and to start saving for retirement… today.
There were a few categories this advice fell into:
Make it your top priority to pay down all of your debt as soon as possible.
Keep an “emergency fund” — there were tons of horror stories about people getting financially ruined by health issues, lawsuits, divorces, bad business deals, etc.
Stash away a portion of every paycheck, preferably into a 401k, an IRA or at the least, a savings account.
Don’t spend frivolously. Don’t buy a home unless you can afford to get a good mortgage with good rates.
Don’t invest in anything you don’t understand. Don’t trust stockbrokers.
One reader said, “If you are in debt more than 10% of your gross annual salary this is a huge red flag. Quit spending, pay off your debt and start saving.” Another wrote, “I would have saved more money in an emergency fund because unexpected expenses really killed my budget. I would have been more diligent about a retirement fund, because now mine looks pretty small.”
And then there were the readers who were just completely screwed by their inability to save in their 30s. One reader named Jodi wishes she had started saving 10% of every paycheck when she was 30. Her career took a turn for the worst and now she’s stuck at 57, still living paycheck to paycheck. Another woman, age 62, didn’t save because her husband out-earned her. They later got divorced and she soon ran into health problems, draining all of the money she received in the divorce settlement. She, too, now lives paycheck to paycheck, slowly waiting for the day social security kicks in. Another man related a story of having to be supported by his son because he didn’t save and unexpectedly lost his job in the 2008 crash.
The point was clear: save early and save as much as possible. One woman emailed me saying that she had worked low-wage jobs with two kids in her 30s and still managed to sock away some money in a retirement fund each year. Because she started early and invested wisely, she is now in her 50s and financially stable for the first time in her life. Her point: it’s always possible. You just have to do it.
2. START TAKING CARE OF YOUR HEALTH NOW, NOT LATER
“Your mind’s acceptance of age is 10 to 15 years behind your body’s aging. Your health will go faster than you think but it will be very hard to notice, not the least because you don’t want it to happen.” (Tom, 55)
We all know to take care of our health. We all know to eat better and sleep better andexercise more and blah, blah, blah. But just as with the retirement savings, the response from the older readers was loud and unanimous: get healthy and stay healthy now.
So many people said it that I’m not even going to bother quoting anybody else. Their points were pretty much all the same: the way you treat your body has a cumulative effect; it’s not that your body suddenly breaks down one year, it’s been breaking down all along without you noticing. This is the decade to slow down that breakage.
And this wasn’t just your typical motherly advice to eat your veggies. These were emails from cancer survivors, heart attack survivors, stroke survivors, people with diabetes and blood pressure problems, joint issues and chronic pain. They all said the same thing: “If I could go back, I would start eating better and exercising and I would not stop. I made excuses then. But I had no idea.”
3. DON’T SPEND TIME WITH PEOPLE WHO DON’T TREAT YOU WELL
“Learn how to say “no” to people, activities and obligations that don’t bring value to your life.” (Hayley, 37)
What does that mean specifically?After calls to take care of your health and your finances, the most common piece of advice from people looking back at their 30-year-old selves was an interesting one: they would go back and enforce stronger boundaries in their lives and dedicate their time to better people. “Setting healthy boundaries is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself or another person.” (Kristen, 43)
“Don’t tolerate people who don’t treat you well. Period. Don’t tolerate them for financial reasons. Don’t tolerate them for emotional reasons. Don’t tolerate them for the children’s sake or for convenience sake.” (Jane, 52)
“Don’t settle for mediocre friends, jobs, love, relationships and life.” (Sean, 43)
“Stay away from miserable people… they will consume you, drain you.” (Gabriella, 43)
“Surround yourself and only date people that make you a better version of yourself, that bring out your best parts, love and accept you.” (Xochie)
People typically struggle with boundaries because they find it difficult to hurt someone else’s feelings, or they get caught up in the desire to change the other person or make them treat them the way they want to be treated. This never works. And in fact, it often makes it worse. As one reader wisely said, “Selfishness and self-interest are two different things. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.”
When we’re in our 20s, the world is so open to opportunity and we’re so short on experience that we cling to the people we meet, even if they’ve done nothing to earn our clingage. But by our 30s we’ve learned that good relationships are hard to come by, that there’s no shortage of people to meet and friends to be made, and that there’s no reason to waste our time with people who don’t help us on our life’s path.
4. BE GOOD TO THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT
“Show up with and for your friends. You matter, and your presence matters.” (Jessica, 40)
Conversely, while enforcing stricter boundaries on who we let into our lives, many readers advised to make the time for those friends and family that we do decide to keep close.
“I think sometimes I may have taken some relationships for granted, and when that person is gone, they’re gone. Unfortunately, the older you get, well, things start to happen, and it will affect those closest to you.” (Ed, 45)
“Appreciate those close to you. You can get money back and jobs back, but you can never get time back.” (Anne, 41)
“Tragedy happens in everyone’s life, everyone’s circle of family and friends. Be the person that others can count on when it does. I think that between 30 and 40 is the decade when a lot of shit finally starts to happen that you might have thought never would happen to you or those you love. Parents die, spouses die, babies are still-born, friends get divorced, spouses cheat… the list goes on and on. Helping someone through these times by simply being there, listening and not judging is an honor and will deepen your relationships in ways you probably can’t yet imagine.” (Rebecca, 40)
5. YOU CAN’T HAVE EVERYTHING; FOCUS ON DOING A FEW THINGS REALLY WELL
“Everything in life is a trade-off. You give up one thing to get another and you can’t have it all. Accept that.” (Eldri, 60)
In our 20s we have a lot of dreams. We believe that we have all of the time in the world. I myself remember having illusions that my website would be my first career of many. Little did I know that it took the better part of a decade to even get competent at this. And now that I’m competent and have a major advantage and love what I do, why would I ever trade that in for another career?
“In a word: focus. You can simply get more done in life if you focus on one thing and do it really well. Focus more.” (Ericson, 49)
Another reader: “I would tell myself to focus on one or two goals/aspirations/dreams and really work towards them. Don’t get distracted.” And another: “You have to accept that you cannot do everything. It takes a lot of sacrifice to achieve anything special in life.”
A few readers noted that most people arbitrarily choose their careers in their late teens or early 20s, and as with many of our choices at those ages, they are often wrong choices. It takes years to figure out what we’re good at and what we enjoy doing. But it’s better to focus on our primary strengths and maximize them over the course of lifetime than to half-ass something else.
“I’d tell my 30 year old self to set aside what other people think and identify my natural strengths and what I’m passionate about, and then build a life around those.” (Sara, 58)
For some people, this will mean taking big risks, even in their 30s and beyond. It may mean ditching a career they spent a decade building and giving up money they worked hard for and became accustomed to. Which brings us to…
6. DON’T BE AFRAID OF TAKING RISKS, YOU CAN STILL CHANGE
“While by age 30 most feel they should have their career dialed in, it is never too late to reset. The individuals that I have seen with the biggest regrets during this decade are those that stay in something that they know is not right. It is such an easy decade to have the days turn to weeks to years, only to wake up at 40 with a mid-life crisis for not taking action on a problem they were aware of 10 years prior but failed to act.” (Richard, 41)
“Biggest regrets I have are almost exclusively things I did *not* do.” (Sam, 47)
Many readers commented on how society tells us that by 30 we should have things “figured out” — our career situation, our dating/marriage situation, our financial situation and so on. But this isn’t true. And, in fact, dozens and dozens of readers implored to not let these social expectations of “being an adult” deter you from taking some major risks and starting over. As someone on my Facebook page responded: “All adults are winging it.”
“I am about to turn 41 and would tell my 30 year old self that you do not have to conform your life to an ideal that you do not believe in. Live your life, don’t let it live you. Don’t be afraid of tearing it all down if you have to, you have the power to build it all back up again.” (Lisa, 41)
Multiple readers related making major career changes in their 30s and being better off for doing so. One left a lucrative job as a military engineer to become a teacher. Twenty years later, he called it one of the best decisions of his life. When I asked my mom this question, her answer was, “I wish I had been willing to think outside the box a bit more. Your dad and I kind of figured we had to do thing A, thing B, thing C, but looking back I realize we didn’t have to at all; we were very narrow in our thinking and our lifestyles and I kind of regret that.”
“Less fear. Less fear. Less fear. I am about to turn 50 next year, and I am just getting that lesson. Fear was such a detrimental driving force in my life at 30. It impacted my marriage, my career, my self-image in a fiercely negative manner. I was guilty of: Assuming conversations that others might be having about me. Thinking that I might fail. Wondering what the outcome might be. If I could do it again, I would have risked more.” (Aida, 49)
7. YOU MUST CONTINUE TO GROW AND DEVELOP YOURSELF
“You have two assets that you can never get back once you’ve lost them: your body and your mind. Most people stop growing and working on themselves in their 20s. Most people in their 30s are too busy to worry about self-improvement. But if you’re one of the few who continues to educate themselves, evolve their thinking and take care of their mental and physical health, you will be light-years ahead of the pack by 40.” (Stan, 48)
It follows that if one can still change in their 30s — and should continue to change in their 30s — then one must continue to work to improve and grow. Many readers related the choice of going back to school and getting their degrees in their 30s as one of the most useful things they had ever done. Others talked of taking extra seminars andcourses to get a leg up. Others started their first businesses or moved to new countries. Others checked themselves into therapy or began a meditation practice.
As Warren Buffett once said, the greatest investment a young person can make is in their own education, in their own mind. Because money comes and goes. Relationships come and go. But what you learn once stays with you forever.
“The number one goal should be to try to become a better person, partner, parent, friend, colleague etc. — in other words to grow as an individual.” (Aimilia, 39)
8. NOBODY (STILL) KNOWS WHAT THEY’RE DOING, GET USED TO IT
“Unless you are already dead — mentally, emotionally, and socially — you cannot anticipate your life 5 years into the future. It will not develop as you expect. So just stop it. Stop assuming you can plan far ahead, stop obsessing about what is happening right now because it will change anyway, and get over the control issue about your life’s direction. Fortunately, because this is true, you can take even more chances and not lose anything; you cannot lose what you never had. Besides, most feelings of loss are in your mind anyway – few matter in the long term.”(Thomas, 56)
In my article about what I learned in my 20s, one of my lessons was “Nobody Knows What They’re Doing,” and that this was good news. Well, according to the 40+ crowd, this continues to be true in one’s 30s and, well, forever it seems; and it continues to be good news forever as well.
“Most of what you think is important now will seem unimportant in 10 or 20 years and that’s OK. That’s called growth. Just try to remember to not take yourself so seriously all the time and be open to it.” (Simon, 57)
“Despite feeling somewhat invincible for the last decade, you really don’t know what’s going to happen and neither does anyone else, no matter how confidently they talk. While this is disturbing to those who cling to permanence or security, it’s truly liberating once you grasp the truth that things are always changing. To finish, there might be times that are really sad. Don’t dull the pain or avoid it. Sorrow is part of everyone’s lifetime and the consequence of an open and passionate heart. Honor that. Above all, be kind to yourself and others, it’s such a brilliant and beautiful ride and keeps on getting better.” (Prue, 38)
“I’m 44. I would remind my 30 year old self that at 40, my 30s would be equally filled with dumb stuff, different stuff, but still dumb stuff… So, 30 year old self, don’t go getting on your high horse. You STILL don’t know it all. And that’s a good thing.” (Shirley, 44)
9. INVEST IN YOUR FAMILY; IT’S WORTH IT
“Spend more time with your folks. It’s a different relationship when you’re an adult and it’s up to you how you redefine your interactions. They are always going to see you as their kid until the moment you can make them see you as your own man. Everyone gets old. Everyone dies. Take advantage of the time you have left to set things right and enjoy your family.” (Kash, 41)
I was overwhelmed with amount of responses about family and the power of those responses. Family is the big new relevant topic for this decade for me, because you get it on both ends. Your parents are old and you need to start considering how your relationship with them is going to function as a self-sufficient adult. And then you also need to contemplate creating a family of your own.
Pretty much everybody agreed to get over whatever problems you have with your parents and find a way to make it work with them. One reader wrote, “You’re too old to blame your parents for any of your own short-comings now. At 20 you could get away with it, you’d just left the house. At 30, you’re a grown-up. Seriously. Move on.”
But then there’s the question that plagues every single 30-year-old: to baby or not to baby?
“You don’t have the time. You don’t have the money. You need to perfect your career first. They’ll end your life as you know it. Oh shut up… Kids are great. They make you better in every way. They push you to your limits. They make you happy. You should not defer having kids. If you are 30, now is the time to get real about this. You will never regret it.” (Kevin, 38)
“It’s never the ‘right time’ for children because you have no idea what you’re getting into until you have one. If you have a good marriage and environment to raise them, err on having them earlier rather than later, you’ll get to enjoy more of them.” (Cindy, 45)
“All my preconceived notions about what a married life is like were wrong. Unless you’ve already been married, everyone’s are. Especially once you have kids. Try to stay open to the experience and fluid as a person; your marriage is worth it, and your happiness seems as much tied to your ability to change and adapt as anything else. I wasn’t planning on having kids. From a purely selfish perspective, this was the dumbest thing of all. Children are the most fulfilling, challenging, and exhausting endeavor anyone can ever undertake. Ever.” (Rich, 44)
The consensus about marriage seemed to be that it was worth it, assuming you had a healthy relationship with the right person. If not, you should run the other way (See #3).
But interestingly, I got a number of emails like the following:
“What I know now vs 10-13 years ago is simply this… bars, woman, beaches, drink after drink, clubs, bottle service, trips to different cities because I had no responsibility other than work, etc… I would trade every memory of that life for a good woman that was actually in love with me… and maybe a family. I would add, don’t forget to actually grow up and start a family and take on responsibilities other than success at work. I am still having a little bit of fun… but sometimes when I go out, I feel like the guy that kept coming back to high school after he graduated (think Matthew McConaughey’s character in Dazed and Confused). I see people in love and on dates everywhere. “Everyone” my age is in their first or second marriage by now! Being perpetually single sounds amazing to all of my married friends but it is not the way one should choose to live their life.” (Anonymous, 43)
“I would have told myself to stop constantly searching for the next best thing and I would have appreciated the relationships that I had with some of the good, genuine guys that truly cared for me. Now I’m always alone and it feels too late.” (Fara, 38)
On the flip side, there were a small handful of emails that took the other side of the coin:
“Don’t feel pressured to get married or have kids if you don’t want to. What makes one person happy doesn’t make everyone happy. I’ve chosen to stay single and childless and I still live a happy and fulfilled life. Do what feels right for you.” (Anonymous, 40)
Conclusion: It seems that while family is not absolutely necessary to have a happy and fulfilling life, the majority of people have found that family is always worth the investment, assuming the relationships are healthy and not toxic and/or abusive.
10. BE KIND TO YOURSELF, RESPECT YOURSELF
“Be a little selfish and do something for yourself every day, something different once a month and something spectacular every year.” (Nancy, 60)
This one was rarely the central focus of any email, but it was present in some capacity in almost all of them: treat yourself better. Almost everybody said this in one form or another. “There is no one who cares about or thinks about your life a fraction of what you do,” one reader began, and, “life is hard, so learn to love yourself now, it’s harder to learn later,” another reader finished.
Or as Renee, 40, succinctly put it: “Be kind to yourself.”
Many readers included the old cliche: “Don’t sweat the small stuff; and it’s almost all small stuff.” Eldri, 60, wisely said, “When confronted with a perceived problem, ask yourself, ‘Is this going to matter in five years, ten years?’ If not, dwell on it for a few minutes, then let it go.” It seems many readers have focused on the subtle life lesson of simply accepting life as is, warts and all.
Which brings me to the last quote from Martin, age 58:
“When I turned forty my father told me that I’d enjoy my forties because in your twenties you think you know what’s going on, in your thirties you realize you probably don’t, and in your forties you can relax and just accept things. I’m 58 and he was right.”
Many people might be surprised to learn that the average contribution to the food stamp program is a little over 10 cents, or one thin dime, a day. Let's look at the numbers.
A married person with one child making $50,000 a year will pay exactly $3,820 in federal taxes. Of those, $2100 is allocated to Social Security, and $725 is distributed Medicare. This leaves a whopping $995 to be used to pay for programs administrated by the Federal government. That money is broken down below in its entirety:
National Defense $247.75 / 24.9%
Health care -- $235.81 / 23.7%
Job and Family Security -- $190.05 / 19.1%
Net Interest -- $73.63 / 8.1%
Veterans Benefits -- $44.77 / 4.5%
Education and Job Training -- $35.82 / 3.6%
Natural Resources, Energy, and Environment -- $19.90 / 2.0%
Immigration, Law Enforcement, and Administration of Justice -- $19.90 / 2.0%
International Affairs -- $15.92 / 1.6%
Science, Space, and Technology Programs -- $9.95 / 1.0%
Agriculture -- $6.96 / 0.7%
Community, Area, and Regional Development -- $4.98 / 0.5%
Response to Natural Disasters -- $3.98 / 0.4%
Additional Government Programs -- $78.61 / 7.9%
The category needed for examination is "Job and Family Security", which comprises 19.1% of all of the $995 paid in. In the future I will examine other categories in more detail. The breakdown of the $190.05 is listed below:
Unemployment insurance -- $22.88 / 2.3%
Food and nutrition assistance -- $36.82 / 3.7%
Housing assistance -- $19.90 / 2.0%
Earned income, Making Work Pay, and child tax credits -- $32.84 / 3.3%
Supplemental Security Income -- $18.91 / 1.9%
Federal military and civilian employee retirement and disability -- $43.78 / 4.4%
Child care, foster care, and adoption support -- $5.97 / 0.6%
Temporary Assistance for Needy Families -- $6.96 / 0.7%
Railroad retirement and additional income security -- $4.98 / 0.5%
As is evidenced above, despite a person paying $191.05 for "Job and Family Security", only $36.82 of that is going towards "Food and nutrition assistance."
Therefore, a married person with one child who makes $50,000 a year will pay $36.82 in taxes to ensure the food stamp program is fully funded. But wait, there is more. That $36.82 is not only for food stamps. Indeed, that money is allocated to two other programs that include the school lunch program, and the special supplemental food program for women, infants and children. Keep in mind, this comprises the totality of the costs associated with the program including administrative.
The breakdowns for how the $36.82 is allocated is not readily available, but do the math.
$36.82 divided by 365 days = 10 cents a day.
Consider the context. A person who is paid $50,000 a year earns, on average, $136 every 24 hours. Meaning that in a little over six hours, in the example where a person is paid for every hour of their life in perpetuity, that person would be able to pay for their entire yearly contribution to ensure that hungry people are fed.
By the way if you are curious as to what percentage 10 cents is while being compared to $136 a day the number is: 0.0735%
Here are 99 simple reminders to make sure you're on the right path.
1. Give more than you get. Give respect to get respect.
2.Respect yourself. Respect comes first from within.
3. Offer respect. Respect those around you.
4.Maintain your integrity. It's the cornerstone of earned respect.
5.Keep your promises. We don't respect anyone for making a promise, only for keeping it.
6. Add value. The more you focus on adding value for others, the more respect you will get.
7. Learn to spell Respect:
Remember basic kindness. Encourage others. Stand firm in your convictions. Play fair and smart. Extend a helping hand. Cause no harm. Think before you speak.
8.Find people doing the right thing. People will respect you for acknowledging them.
9. Avoid the temptation to share everything in your head.No one needs to know everything you're thinking. Get respect by keeping it simple.
10. Be respectful of the feelings of others. They're just as important as yours.
11. Hold to the truth. Express yourself with honesty.
12. Invest in what matters. Place your time and energy with the things that are important to you.
13. Go outside your comfort zone. People respect those who take chances, take risks, and seek challenges.
14. Suspend judgment. Even though people will judge you, do everything you can to avoid making quick judgments about them.
15. Live your values. Don't just talk about your values; let them show in your actions.
16. Be authentic. Live your life on your terms and live it bravely.
17. Express appreciation. The most respected people genuinely express appreciation in terms that are specific and positive.
18. Be honest but tactful. Better to be honest than be impressive.
20. Fight the good fight on the critical issues. Respect is accorded to those who know which battles are worth engaging in.
21. Be curious. Ask open-ended questions and listen.
22. Go the extra mile. And take others with you. Exceed all expectations.
23. Forge partnerships. Surround yourself with people who have qualities you admire.
24. Know your priorities. Identify the most important things in your life so you can make them top priority.
25. Lean in to your likability. Whatever your position, you can be collegial and kind and connected with those around you.
26. Have a good memory. It's a big deal to people when you ask them about important events in their lives.
27. Delegate as much as possible. Allow others to show off their strength and respect them for it; in turn they will respect you.
28. Be inspiring. The ones who gain the most respect are usually the ones who inspire others to do great things.
29. Always be on time. It shows respect for others.
30. Think ahead. Be mindful of others and help them come with solutions and strategies that work for them.
31. Speak your mind. Strong opinions and lots of ideas gain respect. Just don't be obnoxious about it.
32. Be prepared. Show respect by knowing what to expect with each interaction, meeting, or conversation.
33. Don't be afraid to ask how you can help. Don't shy away from people who are struggling. Even if they decline your offer, they will remember it.
34. Own it. Have strengths without boasting; and own it by sharing it.
35. Play to your strengths. When you do the things you are good at, you earn the respect of others.
36. Acknowledge the dignity of others. This simple attitude is worth everything.
37. Apologize. When you are wrong, simply say you are sorry.
38. Say what you mean and mean what you say. People learn to trust and believe in what you say through your consistency.
39. Share your assets. What skills represent your greatest strengths? How can you share them with others?
40. Trust your gut. Knowing when something doesn't feel right is important.
41. Don't sweat the small stuff. And remember, it is all small stuff.
42. Learn to say no. Respect is cultivated when you can say no and back it up with rational and legitimate reasons.
43. Live by a moral code. Figure out what you stand for and share it with the world in small acts of kindness and integrity.
44. Never miss a deadline. The best form of respect is to get things done well and on time.
45. Respect those who are hard to respect. Behavior is not always worthy of respect, but the person is.
46. Hear different perspectives. Be considerate of other people's viewpoints, and recognize that every opinion is valuable.
47. Be willing to compromise. Work with others to reach a solution is acceptable for everyone.
48. Don't kiss and tell. Sometimes, it's not what you say that matters; it's what you don't say.
49. Pick your battles. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do to keep the peace.
50. Take the high road. Set high standards for yourself, and do everything you can to meet them every day.
51. Practice authentic listening. When you listen, you show that you care.
52. Never waste anyone's time. Respect the value of other people's time.
53. Take responsibility. Own your actions, personally and professionally, at all times.
54. Dress the part. People make impressions in the few seconds. Dress for respect.
55. Know your triggers. Become mindful of what pushes your buttons and don't allow yourself to get carried away.
56. Excellence matters. Respect comes from setting high standards and working hard every day on meeting them with excellence.
57. Carry a smile. A confident smile is almost never out of place.
58. Trust and be trusted. Behave in a way that generates trust and builds confidence, which in turn gets you respect you deserve.
59. Be a connector. Bring people together who will find each other valuable and helpful.
60. Maintain equanimity. Keep it simple and remain true to who you are.
61. Watch your body language. Make sure it is congruent with the words you are speaking.
62. Mind your manners. Good manners open many doors.
63. Make time. We respect people who make time from their busy schedule to show us they care.
64. Remember feelings matter. Be mindful of other people's feelings--it may mean everything to them.
65. Learn from others. Acknowledge how much you don't know.
66. Don't try to be all things to all people. Sometimes we get caught up in pleasing everyone and we end up pleasing no one.
67. Treat others as you'd want to be treated. It's called the golden rule for a reason.
68. Listen to learn. Give people a chance to speak. Be a listen-to-it-all, not a know-it-all.
69. Know your boundaries. Set them clearly and stick to them.
70. Keep it simple. Take what is complicated and make it simple.
71. Capitalize on feedback. When given well, it motivates and inspires.
72. Devote time each day to reading. The more you know, the more you can do.
73. Generously share your connections. The benefits return to you greatly.
74. Never gossip. As the saying goes, great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about other people.
75. Get to know others. Developing close relationships, working to know more about others, shows that you're worthy of respect.
76. Remember people's names. And give them a reason to remember yours.
77. Be inquisitive. The more that you ask, the more you can learn.
78. Choose carefully whom you spend your time with. Do they elevate and challenge you?
79. Honor humility. True respect comes from the humility of knowing that every person you meet can teach you something.
80. Avoid contradictions. Remember that whatever you say, you must do also.
81. Be stubborn when it matters. People respect those who stick to their guns when it's called for.
82. Be fluent and firm. If you can be expressive, concise, and firm in what you say, it leaves no room for misunderstandings.
83. Have a sense of humor. Find the funny side of life; it will serve you well in almost every situation.
84. Focus on quality, not quantity. Make what you do count by giving of yourself to the people or causes that are most important to you.
85. Perform small acts of kindness. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, and a kind word or a listening ear. A small act has the potential to turn a life around.
86. When you say no, mean it. Show respect for yourself and be consistent with everything you say and do.
87. Be a mentor. Find someone you can help and make yourself available to mentor them.
88. Express your love. Respect is one of the most meaningful expressions of love. Express yourself often.
89. Always acknowledge when someone does you a favor. A simple handwritten note or a small token of appreciation can make a big difference.
90. Consistently expand your network. Work on creating an inner circle of people that you resonate with and learn from.
91. Be your own coach. If you wait until you are ready, you will be waiting for the rest of your life. Take risks and earn respect.
92. Don't be a martyr. Don't do anything that does not feel good or sound good; remember, respect is earned by authenticity.
93. Keep the naysayers in your life away from your dreams. You may even want to exclude negative people from your life completely.
94. Identify the yes-sayers in your life and keep them close. Rely on the people who believe in you and are unafraid to tell you the truth.
95. Always say please and thank you. Graciousness and good manners put people at ease.
96. Make a list of the things you can't live with and the things you can't live without. Keep the list focused on the essentials and review it often.
97. Count your blessings. Celebrate accomplishments and be grateful for all that you have.
98. Be who you are behind closed doors. A measure of who you are is exposed when no one is watching.
99.Be fully present each moment. If you stay present completely to the moments as they pass, you live them more richly.
